Visiting this website makes you feel comfort since I know there is none who can advise you more than this. Still the truth is I cannot assure you that you are really going to get your past back. We are doing this for men, which in the first place, they uphold more power in terms of social nationalization.
At the same time, since this article has been reproduced, there were already many girls around the world who find this site much interesting than consulting a psychologist who makes every pocket empty. I cannot guarantee a 100% outcome here, but I assure 100% solution to do it. However, of course, it needs your courage and participation to do the task successfully.
For now, we will not make your mind so confuse since I know that it restful hurts. The pain is even so excruciating in your helpless heart. So you need time to heal it by reading this lovely article, I presume.
Here is the truth. It is hard to get back your ex-boyfriend 100%. However, it is easy to raise chances out of it. The process does not require you to be quick, but slowly and surely.
So here it goes.
Getting back, your ex is going to be tough. Nevertheless, remember this saying “the matter gets tough, the tough gets matter.” So take chances out of every detail stated in this process.
I know you are very excited now. Nevertheless, hold on, take a deep breath and let go of all the things that hardened your heart. This is a complex process so you need to be relaxed.
I am just being honest to you. I do not give such information that is not useless. For further review, I read many relationship books. I took notes on every forum that I had, bought online references and listened to my friends tell their stories regarding this particular matter.
This site seems to be long and has a deep thought but more importantly. It will help you get back your boyfriend and to rediscover yourself in the process.
Seemingly, here are some of the things to be covered:
- A Step by Step System to Getting back your ex-lover
- Helpful Tips to Get Him Running to the past
- The Best Way to Contact Your Ex
- Building Up Your Personal Confidence
- What to Do & What Not to Do
- What to Do If He Cheated On You
- How to Get Him to the past If You Cheated On your ex-lover
- What are you going to Do If He Has a Girlfriend
- How to Define Your Dating Goals
The outlined system on this page will work for teenagers, married couples, people who missed their loved ones for a long time and people who are now on long-distance relationship. I am into universal.
I think the best way to cope with this process is to go beyond the norms and take a deep look at each step of the ex-recovery process. Beginning from your break up to move on.
1 – THE NO-CONTACT RULE
Before doing anything else, you are going to apply no-contact rule.
This rule includes no testing, talking or noticing your ex-lover for a full month. That is a total of 30 days of no contact rule essentially forgetting your man into your life. Remember, do not mind his life for at present. Please do not stalk him on Facebook because at the end of the day, you are the one who is going to be hurt because of his happy and successful life at present.
If you are not convinced with the no-contact rule, then I must say to you now that you must be. You must be convinced because it is a very essential part to this process. It is the starting point, and if you cannot accomplish this first step, it will be hard to take another step. Does the no contact rule works? Yes it does!
The advantages of no-contact rule-
First, right after a break up, you are actually at your impassioned climax. In addition, it is really a bad impassioned climax. I am pertaining to angering, hate, pain, and all the negative emotions to the world.
The no contact rule will give you time to rediscover yourself and fight emotional battles that became hindrance for you since the day you break up. It helps you to be relaxed and calm a little, so you can think more practically instead of emotionally.
Second, it will make your ex-boyfriend wonder why you are not talking to him anymore and probably might begin to miss you.
During this no-contact period, he will possibly try to reach you through call and texts. All you have to do when this may come ignore him. Ignoring him is vital to this process of no-contact rule.
He goes talk to your friends and might tell them something that can make you hurt like he may be talking to negative things to you. It is not a big thing to worry about for he is.
Actually emotionally unstable at this moment. He does not mean every words that came out from his mouth. Besides, after one successful month of no contact rule, he will gradually change his tune.
There are also some instances where you have to contact your ex-boyfriend even during no contact rule. There are certain special cases where it is better not ignore him.
Here are those specific situations and the things you must do when experiencing them.
If you are living together
When this case is present, you have to be respectful. If you are roommate, you have to behave like a decent person, free from all malice. Your interaction towards him should be short, nice and on point. Make sure to have that positive outlook always.
If you have kids together
If you see yourself in this kind of situation, make sure to keep your interactions to a minimum. Acquire the responsibilities of being a parent and possess the rule of law concerning to your kid’s rights and to yours as well. Do not be bothered if he will still come to your kids since he is the father. Of course, stick to the no contact rule. This no contact can be apply in silent communication both verbal and non-verbal.
2 – WHAT CAUSED THE BREAKUP?
Determining the cause of your break up is important because it can give you an idea of what was the problem of your relationship, why did it went wrong and how you can possibly fix it in time.
Often, men do not mean to hurt you so bad. They do not intend to hurt your feelings in worst case because love first endure before trouble came out. However, the average person will break a relationship when he already tasted what he wants. When a woman does not give what he wants anymore. I am not merely talking about sex here, although it is really an issue for men, but I am talking about the intimate admiration.
Men like to be admire. They like to be appreciate for who they are and what they are. They love to see each morning, that brings newness in relationship and want be respected by women.
Let me tell you a story.
A couple seemed to live happily through the years. They have already celebrated almost silver years in their relationship. They have already established a great family. Nevertheless, here comes the point when the husband is starting to find some thrills. He wants to gain admiration, appreciation and respect. However, his wife was too busy in making a living for her family that he forgot to make a life with her husband. She forgot to kiss her husband every morning. She forgot to prepare her husband’s meal. She forgot to say, “I love you.” Therefore, what happened was that the husband found these wants from someone else. Things began to change. Moreover, problems began to arise.
Another thing that causes your break up is that when a person nagged to death by his girlfriend.
Nagged to death is a thought from boys that their girlfriends are not satisfied with their relationship anymore? Boys may think that they are not working well anymore. That they are not enough to pursue the desires of their girlfriends. This will just start at casual, but then leads into a serious break up.
I stated here some of the reasons why you broke up with him.
Your ex-boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore
This is a noise to hear “You are not attractive anymore” but will always be a matter that seems to be important. This is the reason why he broke up with you. Most men raise this complaint in a relationship that started as infatuation. Most men are attracted to girls in their physical appearance.
In addition, at first, men find women as attractive. However, this is only an infatuation, not love, because, true love is felt in proper time and proper place. I mean, you fall in love to that person not just, because you find him attractive but you find eternity in his hour.
Your ex-boyfriend was getting bored with you
This is another well-founded reason for a breakup. A boring relationship is a result of a boring lover. If you do not put some extra efforts to your relationship, probably it may not last longer.
Your character should put into account, making sure that you meet his every expectation. I am not saying that you have to impress him always, but I want you to observe a satisfiability attitude that may fit to him. Do not worry because fortunately, a boring relationship is quite easy to mend.
Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you
This is a prevalent cause in almost all countries around the world, that men lose their excitement in a relationship because they are not experiencing a happy sex life. They not given their needs in terms of sexual desires, which is highly necessary for them. In addition, unfortunately, women do not figure it out in an earlier time so that is why; they left with their boyfriends.
Men usually do not talk about this matter so women tend to gent surprised of a sudden break up.
Your ex-boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants
In this situation, your boyfriend might not be matured enough to handle relationships. He is not serious in your relationship. Therefore, he decided to break up with you anyway. This will also go with you, if you have this immaturity. You may tend to break up with your boyfriend.
In this case, “it’s not you, it’s me” line is commonly used.
When it comes to cheating, these things need not to understand.
- Men and women cheat for very different reasons.
- Men cheat because they are sexually inclined.
- Women cheat because they are emotionally broken and taken for granted
- When these reasons take place, troubles and problems will come which result into a break up.
Remember that your goal is to get back your ex-boyfriend back. However, did you already asked yourself, actually what caused the Breakup? Is it Jealousy? Third party? Fallen out of love maybe? Whatever it is you should know.
Knowing what caused your break up is essential to your goal. For this time, you do not want to make that mistake again or fall on the same hole twice. You have to be equipped with facts about your past relationship. Denying your faults and blaming the other side will just give you No help at all. You have to recognize that maybe it is your fault and you have some apologizing to do. You also have to accept that if it is the other way around you have to forgive.
Forget it enough to get over it. However, remember it enough so it does not happen again.
Having the right mind set and proper approach is crucial to your goal. In order for you to get your ex, you have to invest a respectable amount of time and effort. Remember that you do not want to resume to that failed relationship but to start fresh and develop tight, better and in a new perspective kind of connection with him.
What I was trying to tell you is that if this work with you and actually succeed to get back to your boyfriend, to drop of the failed relationship and start a stronger one is the utmost goal.
Having legitimate reasons why you want your ex to get back is vital in achieving and understanding your intention. Selfish thoughts will just lead you to faulty decisions and self-destruction.
You are maybe asking now those legit reasons for wanting to get back together with your boyfriend. Here are some bearable reasons and check if you are on the same page with me.
Both of you has the same interests and actually agree on many things more than you differ on some things.
You enjoy each other’s company and bring out the best of yourselves.
In addition, maybe love is sweeter the second time around. Consequently, giving each other second chance is worth the risk.
In addition, if you are just thinking to get back to him just because of these reasons:
- No one is better than you to be with him are.
- You cannot live without him.
- You just hate being alone.
- Moreover, you are afraid your boyfriend might find someone first than you do.
3. WHAT TO DO DURING THE NO CONTACT PERIOD
Well, you had better remind yourself that you might be just addicted to an unhealthy relationship and there is no point going back when it is no longer in your life.
Another thing you need to do is by improving yourself after the breakup. Do not let yourself succumb to despair from losing your significant half. Instead, reverse breakup with self-improvement. Of course, you would want to give the impression that you can live without him and you are definitely fine on your own. Enjoying your life with the company of someone else or letting yourself, open in the market is highly effective in making yourself more desirable and sought-after. Once your ex see is that you are unaffected by the separation, he will begin to anticipate the decision of parting ways with you.
Make an effort to be attractive. Perhaps, change your lifestyle for the better. Improve areas in yourself, which can make you feel a lot more confident. The easiest area could be your physical self. This means to feel beautiful! I am not saying that you are ugly and that is the reason why you broke up. It is just that at this point, level up your effort to feel good and even more appealing.
Maybe get a makeover.
– Get in shape.
– Change your wardrobe.
– Use skin care products.
– Get a new hairstyle.
Above all, act confident!
As they say, you should be beautiful inside out. So let go of those mental baggage that is keeping you from moving on.
Changing mentally is much more difficult than changing physically. This is a battle between what you want and what is right. Of course, what is right is the way to achieving your goal. By the way, what is your goal? To be with your ex again.
Doing things that you have missed out during your failed relationship can be a big help in regaining confidence and keeping yourself on track with reality.
It is good to be distracted for a while. Instead of tucking yourself in bed and feel self-pity, you can focus on work or try going out and having fun in a party or do things that excite you.
You can also re-establish bonds with friends. Having someone you can talk and listen to you might just be crucial in your goal. Nevertheless, always keep in mind to choose friends you can trust and rely the most.
These changes will not do any help if you do not act through it. So do not focus on changing yourself for someone, but improving for yourself.
This may sound naughty but other people might actually help you in getting back your ex. There are several points why dating after break up is good for the plan. The easiest one to recognize is that it is fun and simple. It is another way of enjoying yourself. Do not restrict yourself from happiness. This is your chance to explore. Remember you are free. You are free with a plan!
Opening yourself to dating can also help to return confidence in you. The opposite sex always holds the interest to confident people, and your ex is no exception. He would see you not as “broken” as he would think and that is good. This could be something good in regaining his interest in you.
Since you already know the changes, you need to make physically, let us talk about the harder thing to improve than physical aspects – mental aspects or your mental state. There are many ways for physical improvement; you could spend a month or two or even half a year to improve your appearance holistically.
However, sometimes the best thing is to have a major asset people could turn their attention to. This asset is one of the biggest assets you could have after the breakup is being free mentally. The aftermath of your relationship that has ended has the advantage of being calm down from a mental tension since it is not actually healthy to suffer a mental depression wrapped with anxiety, despair and melancholic loneliness in a quite long period. Overthinking leads to some mental distortion until it becomes extreme which is quite dangerous for a person who feels lonely with the world on her shoulder.
Therefore, in making decision for a mental change is rekindling up the hopeless candle that is out of light. Mental change is more uplifting and delightful than physical change because it directly means you outlived from the deepest ground to make a firm stand against the world. You are changing a new outfit.
Nonetheless, everything would be possible if you will not just sit there and procrastinate. Try to move your mind and change directions toward resiliency upon self. For in order for those things to happen you need to take first actions.
Focus on your work; it is the first move you can make. It is really good to have a distraction in your mind, though it is not as much as pastime but you should get your mind a lot of things to do – not too busy to worry, but too busy of more important things such as your works. Distract yet relax your brain for a while, and focus on things you gain more benefits. However, this is focusing on work used to take your mind of your ex-lover.
The other one is renewing a hobby. It just simply means, making fun out of your life. Just as full-time pastime for yourself, also. You can play outdoors or indoors and take some leisure to a place you ever wanted to go. You can also get along with the smoothly soft breezes under the shades of the trees unwinding with your favorite tracks.
You can also write a journal. I know that sometimes a thunderstorm of thoughts rage your mind when you embrace the moment of epiphany and nostalgia. A constant racing of something you want to express through writing about your ex-lover is in the field battling for which dominates among the two inside your mind since you know you will not be able to talk to him for a thirty days or more. Thus, it can be a good idea to jot them down in a journal.
One of the best things also to do is to have fun. Yes, simply have fun with your friends or family. If anyone invites you to go, you could. Go out for a party and let your mood elevates itself.
You can also reconnect with your friends. Friends are great. They can be your leaning wall whenever your back is against the wall; they can be your crying shoulder; and outlet of change towards yourself. In your bad times, they will be there at your side. They will listen to you in the times of need. However, of course, do not let them talk about your ex-lover or make you call him until the no-contact period is over.
What some advice being in the cool off situation? Catch up with the No Contact Rule Book.
I recommend going out with someone else. Someone who is not your past lover. Think of the idea either you find it nice or not. During the time of having no contact with each other, go on a date with someone new. Hesitation takes place though it is normal. Is that idea a smart one?
Well, it feeds up your self-esteem. It builds up your confidence whenever you date with other people. It is a little bit overwhelming since you feel within you that you are attractive to someone else. Compliments would always cheer you up and make you feel great.
Furthermore, it swerves your mind from your ex-lover. Your time will be more spent to the new person you met, and because you are busy you have less time to think of him. You are having fun that could boost your mood instead of living being miserable and completely depressed in a four-walled dark crib.
Women who have not been engaged in an intimate relationship for a long period may feel worried about meeting someone new. So, this will somewhat cure a phobia or fear that has been developed. It may be worrisome but do not feel awkward because still you make new friends and focus in having fun with them or the new person you just met.
The last reason on why you have to deal with dating someone new is the indication that shows you are already moving on. In a very strange way, you rather want your ex-lover to know that you are dating with someone. You appear like self-assured and strong which are attractive.
Keep your mind focus to this section because this contains the very essential part of having no contact rule. Think of the moment you decided to have no contact rule and achieve it for 30 days. Of course, you are not just sitting there and watch for what will happen. You really worked for it. You really do have an intensive plan to make the no contact rule successful in your part. In order also to “get back your ex-boyfriend”. You work towards your goal by focusing on the things, which you think you have control to.
- Reminder of the No Contact Period Rules
- No texting, calling, emailing, stalking at Facebook, or writing a letter to your ex-boyfriend.
- I recommend that you do not dig into your exes’ life at all.
- If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebook you, you are not allowed to respond.
- Do not listen to anything your ex says about you no matter what.
- If you break your no contact period agreement, talking to him in any shape before the 30 days method done then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.
- Things to Avoid During the No Contact Process
- Wanting to gain more sleep due to how you feel.
- Staying home and not going out.
- Drinking too much (alcohol.)
- Showing everyone, you have known all about the breakup.
- Making big life decisions.
- Calling in sick to work frequently.
Those things need to follow in no contact rule.
Now we will tackle about the good stuffs. Honestly, I am very excited in this section because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your “ex-boyfriend back.” Given, they are small steps but they are still steps in the right direction.
For now, I want you to focus on the biggest thing regarding no contact period. A big thing that be taken seriously is the fact that you are using this month to welcome change for yourself. You should become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. You should surprise everybody for the new look you are in. This is not just for popularity of fame, but this is for the benefit of your own feelings.
You can get a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring his very presence that your ex-boyfriend is going to check up on you, have an update about you during this period. Rather making yourself feel so sorry or rather putting yourself in the tempest, you are going to have an ironic moment where he is going to see a strong, beautiful and an easy-go-lucky woman!
In the process of “getting back your ex-boyfriend”, you will really experience some radical physical changes.
First on the list, you will become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. A version of a strong and brave woman who fought for the independence of her heart, to let go of all the things that blocked her roads in life. Not too late, you will see yourself in a greater picture. You will then face the mirror and reminisce the past that captivated your soul. You will see yourself smiling and moving on.
Let us say you had a fight with your boyfriend. After a month, you happen to go for some coffee in Starbucks or somewhere where you both go frequently. The first thought your boyfriend will have is on the choices that you made at the middle of 30 day no contact period. Whenever you sat around feeling good while taking cappuccino, he will probably think that she looks so terrible. However, if you do that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally he will probably going to ponder “Great! I did not seen her like this before” which means he was surprised for your changed beauty.
Where do I get this idea? Actually, I have experienced this one. It really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after our break up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation, I could not take my eyes off her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact, that things came out from my brain like “why did I let her get away?”
So I was really regretting at that time. I could not figure it out that such a girl, who I left, could have a comeback. Not just a mere comeback but also a devastating comeback of real change. Real change in her personality, character, and beauty.
Physical changes that you can make.
You can change your hairstyle- I will admit, I am not an expert for a fashionable hairstyle nor do I have an education prior to this, but everywhere I researched over the internet and other related print medias claimed that this is an excellent strategy to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.
Get in shape- you cannot argue with this suggestion. This is really a good idea to catch again the eye of your ex-boyfriend.
Clean up your diet- Again, this is another good way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.
Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go outside your doorstep and take some walk. It could be in the park, in the mall or everywhere you want to go. Every day is a great day to enjoy the city.
Clean up your smile- I am literally talking about looking at how you can get a better smile.
Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have pimples, excessive acne or any unwanted skin diseases, you can take care of them. For all knew that these are only the things when taken care of, will going to leave away.
Aside from physical changes, there will be also mental changes.
Since you have already knowledge on the physical change that will take place in your life, as you go along with this process, let us cross another isle. This is a harder thing to improve since meta-cognitive development differs from one person to another in accordance to their level of perception.
One of the biggest advantage about the no contact period is that it gives you time to relax a little bit from the mental tension of your breakup.
In this section, you are going to know about how to get through your breakup, move on with life and heal emotionally from previous battles. However, in order for that to happen you need to change your choices first, to have a new set of decisions and take new actions.
Mental changes you can make.
Focus on work- Work, work and work. Nothing keeps you busier than working. With this, you can have a better exercise not only in your body but also in your mind as well. Remember that when you are busy focusing on work; you can lose idea about your ex-boyfriend. You can easily forget him. Then gradually, you can easily move on. So do not hesitate to use this as an opportunity in “getting back your ex-boyfriend.”
Renew a hobby-
I bet you are renewing a hobby all day. Most of us humans tend to find some new excitements in life. If you find some hobbies like you have never done before, then do it. You can try to climb the highest mountains, hike the longest ranges, dive the deepest trenches of fly the depressed skies with overwhelming plane ride. There are many wonderful things to learn each day.
Write in a journal- Often times, your mind is encrypted with many thoughts of a poet am I right? Your mind is racing with thoughts about your ex-boyfriend and since you cannot talk to him for 30 days, it might be a good idea to take down notes in your daily journal.
Have fun– If someone invited you to join parties with friends; do not be doubtful in saying yes. I would suggest that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly, time is the number one thing that can heal you.
Reconnect with friends – Hanging out with friends are great. You can freely share to them about your problems and concerns and they will be all ears to listen. They are reliable during bad times. Just please observe peaceful privacy by not letting them came to the point of telling you to call your ex-boyfriend. Where in fact, you are still on the process of no contact rule.
Other people can also help you in getting back your ex-boyfriend.
Here is how it goes.
At the middle of your no contact period, I recommend you to have a date with someone else. Of course, I am seriously talking here that you must find someone who is not your ex, or does not have any past relation with you. I know this is making you confused but trust me for it is a smart idea.
Here are a few reasons why.
It shows you are moving on
Dating someone else means you are now ready to face new chapter in your life. It means you are now ready to embrace essence of change. It can boost your self-confidence and may give you guts in successfully moving on.
Dating other people also helps you feel your value. Knowing that someone appreciates your worth and finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Any person who you think you can be happy to accompany with is extremely fun.
It also enables you to think less of your ex-boyfriend. When you get busy, you get less time to think about your ex. Instead of being completely hurt and depressed, you find some leisure in another man’s arm.
Another issue that we will going to takcle is that How to get your ex-boyfriend back even if he had already new girlfriend now.
This issue is one of those most requested by readers, since this case is hard for women. The situation where your ex-boyfriend is having a new relationship now can make you feel bad. This feeling is painful because you think that he was the only one who have moved on with your relationship.
If you are in this situation, always remember that problems have its solution.
Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships do not work out in the end. Therefore, you still have an advantage over winning back your ex-boyfriend. If you think he is happy, no he is not. Because he is just finding some alternatives for you. If you still abide to the no contact rule, it has a greater possibility that your ex-boyfriend will think more of you. In most cases, he will remember you-including the memories, you made together.
So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.
One Last Word
As you notice, all the results of the no contact period contributes to bettering yourself. I know it is not going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Moreover, you may realize after some time that you do not really need to get back with your ex. You do not need because you are far more than valuable than he is.
4 – YOUR MEANS OF CONTACT
Do you still have contacts with him?
I mean, you have not even started contacting our exes have you? I bet yes is the answer because you are still on the no contact rule. Well, right now is when we start that step.
Are you getting excited?
All right, this is a much debated topic today especially in the youth. There are a lot of arguments regarding this. Every expert, including me seems to have a different viewpoint on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend it is better to reach your ex through text, mail, call or letter. There are many suggestions. So, what is really the best method?
Well, the truth is that there is no best method.
Every relationship is different. Different relationship will require different methods. Some people prefer mailing while some prefer calling. Personally, I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to focus on that method and the best practices using it.
Why I prefer texting?
As stated above, I personally prefer texting than any method of contact for several reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can move you. Let us look at each method individually starting with:
In my research, I found that many experts suggest calling after the no contact period. I have read hundreds of stories of women who have actually gain success with this method. Honestly, I do not like the phone calls for these following reasons. First, it does not give me time to think. It makes me to have those impromptu skills in speaking though I am only talking to my ex. It makes me go tense and horrible. Second, my ex-boyfriend will directly hear my voice, which I think, is a bad idea for keeping my mobility.
Writing a Letter
I do not know about you but if I got a letter unexpectedly from an ex-boyfriend, I might be a little creped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkers and writing a letter the wrongly can definitely have an impact of hurt to you.
Preferably, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text message method. Texting is super affectionate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of fun things like inserting an emoji or other fun-filled features of new mobile technologies. It is also impossible to raise your voice, making you sounds like rude in a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can consume your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone will not allow you. So you can have a safe conversation as you replies more wisely.
5 – THE GAME PLAN
Before you have decided to “get your boyfriend back” you need to plan first right? Well, I have provided here the basic guidelines in plotting down your game plan. Remember that this is not only a game, but a game with a plan. A game to win back your ex.
The plans stated above may not seem clear to you in the first run. I would be amazed if it did. I am going to go through every detailed single step in a very-in depth manner so do not worry though.
However, before we proceed, I think it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above was not carve in sediments. It can changed depending on how you view your perspective towards it. Each single relationship is unique from each other and may require unique steps differently. Knowing the process outlined above, including knowing how to do it can sometimes depend on your gut. If your gut were telling, you that a particular method I have outlined would not work for you I would definitely spit it out for you.
Trust it. The main strategy here is that you are going to have to get creative with your plan.
6 – IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW BEFORE YOU CONTACT YOUR EX
Before contacting your ex, there are necessary rules you are going to follow.
These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Let us look:
1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically, you want your ex only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (You cannot start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. In general rule, the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he does not respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You cannot come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.
7 – FIRST CONTACT TEXT MESSAGE
First impressions do really last. It tells everything. You have to keep that on your mind. How you make this first contact message is almost as important as the how you really planned this game.
Because, if you tighten this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back farewell.
No pressure though.
The main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Well, it is hard to open up communication to a person who means something for you. Who have left a very promising mark in your heart?
Bear in mind, you want to keep mobility going. That means you have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more interesting in your conversation, please do not ask questions that are answerable by “no.” That is the main rule there.
This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
- You cannot get angry or upset.
- You cannot expect anything (manage your expectations.)
- This is not mean to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
- Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
- Do not make your ex think too much.
- The First Contact Rules
- You have to be positive
- You have to be confident
Again, do not expect anything.
NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
The messages cannot be too long.
You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex-boyfriend not to respond.
Bad examples of contact texts
One Word Texts-
As seen, this conversation is boring. It became boring because the dialogue is hanging free.
GOOD EXAMPLES OF FIRST CONTACT TEXTS
This is a kind of conversation that will truly last. As seen, you are not only limited to what you ought to say but you give chances for your receiver (Particularly your ex-boyfriend) to reply duly.
The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you absolutely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days! It must retain on his memory for quite a long time.
You can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer since things went positively. However, the conversation cannot be too much longer and you have to end it first.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU GET A NEGATIVE RESPONSE
Negative responses will really bring negative giants to your life. It is really heart drowning once you receives negative responses. Since they boast painful words that can change your world. As most people believe, words cut deeper than the knife.
Your best defense mechanism to this situation is simply not to respond at all. You also have to understand that your ex is still processing his emotions. As a matter of course, it does not mean that all hope is gone. It just simply means that you need to be more patient and more courageous. You should put many efforts, by trying and trying again in a week or so.
8 – REMEMBERING THE GOOD TIMES
It is a great advantage here if you had a long relationship and had already made some memorable stories. It is a little bit more challenging if you only had a short relationship. However, whether long or short, it is not really a big deal.
The main thing you ought to do with “remembering the good times” is to let them ponder about the most beautiful aspects of your previous relationship. The wonderful stories you treasured together, the sweet moments you shared with each other and the painful bite of trials that tested you through the years. In this section, you need to have a positive outlook whenever possible.
Figure it now, if you do this set of messages appropriately, then you have a better chance of getting your ex feel the feelings of intimacy like the one you feel. When done, he will start to remember how great your times together were.
What to Say
When you are writing your text message to him, you are going to go into details or the specificity instead of just writing something broad. Let us look at a few simple phrases to explore this point further:
Okay, let us say that I was trying to get an ex-boyfriend back and I had made it this far into the systematic process, which I have outlined. I took out a notebook and then wrote down what I thought our best couple of experiences were together.
Let me tell you another story. In addition, this is something personal you know. My ex and I had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was damn cold. I was getting very cold so he offered his jacket to me.
Now, how am I going to write it on proper format?
If you said Choice 2 then you are correct.
More details will play the receiver’s mind as he/she decodes the received message. The more details you can give the better you will do.
All right, assuming you successfully engaged your ex and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I will admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made many great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging.
However, that does not mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.
First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex-boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.
The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.
Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.
The more notions you can give the better you will do. Spend time to ponder; this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Let us look at some examples.
GOOD EXAMPLES OF REMEMBERING THE GOOD TIMES
Example of Fun Experience:
Example of Bonding Experience:
Sometimes asking your ex-boyfriend a question can work well to make them remember a good experience.
Remember that your question has to aim at getting them feel something positive.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU GET A POSITIVE/NEUTRAL RESPONSE
This time you are going to enlist them in the chat but make sure that you do not go too fast. Remember, you are still the one who is going to end the conversation first.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU GET NO RESPONSE
Ok, so the purpose why you sent out your text message is to remind them of the good ole days. Those days where the two of you were as thick as veil but until now, he have not responded yet. First off, it is not the end of the world. Sometimes people are too busy with their life so that is why sometimes you cannot receive any reply at all. The best thing to do is to wait a few days before you conclude that it is over.
If you have not heard anything from him yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. He is either extremely excited by the anticipation of moving forward with things and he can sense that you are trying to move things along.
Whatever the case is just simply take things down a cleft and then begin a few more gentle text messages where you just make first contact.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU GET A NEGATIVE RESPONSE
Let us consider now that you have already passed the 30 days of no contact. You used that entire time working on yourself to become more and more confident as days slowly fade away. At first, everything was fine. Everything seemed to be ok, until you hit your first path block with a negative response. With this, your journey thwarted.
Make coherent actions about it since negative responses are never good. However, they do not ever mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter, more courageous and stronger about how you approach things. Show to the world that you can deal with any problem and is able to cope with the fast changing environment. Let us look at a negative response example.
That definitely hurts. When receiving responses such as this, you should nevertheless be more polite, positive and collected. Again, you should take control over the matter.
During the chat conversation, you may have made one of the following mistakes:
A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him. This is not horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.
B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little too fast to start bringing up your relationship.
C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way, just give him some time to get his head together.
9 – HOW TO USE JEALOUSY TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
This section is going to be controversial. Yes, seriously controversial. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex-boyfriends’ jealousy to your favor is one of the mighty things you can do.
It is very important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage.
In my opinion, I think it is ok to get jealous. Truly, jealousy makes people realize how important their past is. It is an art working on the romantic realm of life showing people the value of their past – its beautiful memories, pleasurable pauses and ironically, its darkest hour. If you are successful in making your ex jealous, she will start to make efforts so your relationship will begin again.
However, I do not think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex-boyfriend would, get jealous every time you would have a conversation with another man or every time you went out with other friends, then I would stress you should really revisit your contemplative mind on getting back together with him.
Nevertheless, I will tell you an interesting story about jealousy.
I have a friend. Let us consider her name as anonymous. She ended up breaking up with her boyfriend of 5 months for some silly reason. Three months after their breakup her ex-boyfriend started dating a new girl. Immutably my friend called me up and wanted him back. She did not realize what she had until he saw her with another girl.
This is the power of jealousy. The fine art of jealousy works as that. It can make people very desperate to have what they wanted for love.
Now, I am not explicitly telling you that you go out and date someone else new. I am recommending that you need to cut certain notions in your communication with your ex-boyfriend.
You have to be careful because if done wrong then your chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back drop drastically.
Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
You have to be discreet (If you say, “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances done.)
THE ART OF USING JEALOUSY
Ok, the first strategy is from my own experience. My previous experience will be the one to back up this stand since I do not have any concrete research regarding this. I pretty much assure that it really worked on me.
One thing that always made me a bit jealous, even though I never speak it out was when a boy I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different girls on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds absurd but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that girl got to be in her presence.”
Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a person, who was single of course and I saw a bunch of pictures of him drunk and making out with a bunch of girls I will no longer feel strongly about him. Absolutely, I might lose interest entirely.
Therefore, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other girls. The key is to be soft about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I swear to you that he will constantly stalk and check your profile moment by moment.