1 – THE NO-CONTACT RULEBefore doing anything else, you are going to apply no-contact rule. This rule includes no testing, talking or noticing your ex-lover for a full month. That is a total of 30 days of no contact rule essentially forgetting your man into your life. Remember, do not mind his life for at present. Please do not stalk him on Facebook because at the end of the day, you are the one who is going to be hurt because of his happy and successful life at present. If you are not convinced with the no-contact rule, then I must say to you now that you must be. You must be convinced because it is a very essential part to this process. It is the starting point, and if you cannot accomplish this first step, it will be hard to take another step. Does the no contact rule works? Yes it does! The advantages of no-contact rule- First, right after a break up, you are actually at your impassioned climax. In addition, it is really a bad impassioned climax. I am pertaining to angering, hate, pain, and all the negative emotions to the world. The no contact rule will give you time to rediscover yourself and fight emotional battles that became hindrance for you since the day you break up. It helps you to be relaxed and calm a little, so you can think more practically instead of emotionally. Second, it will make your ex-boyfriend wonder why you are not talking to him anymore and probably might begin to miss you. During this no-contact period, he will possibly try to reach you through call and texts. All you have to do when this may come ignore him. Ignoring him is vital to this process of no-contact rule. He goes talk to your friends and might tell them something that can make you hurt like he may be talking to negative things to you. It is not a big thing to worry about for he is. Actually emotionally unstable at this moment. He does not mean every words that came out from his mouth. Besides, after one successful month of no contact rule, he will gradually change his tune. There are also some instances where you have to contact your ex-boyfriend even during no contact rule. There are certain special cases where it is better not ignore him. Here are those specific situations and the things you must do when experiencing them. If you are living together When this case is present, you have to be respectful. If you are roommate, you have to behave like a decent person, free from all malice. Your interaction towards him should be short, nice and on point. Make sure to have that positive outlook always. If you have kids together If you see yourself in this kind of situation, make sure to keep your interactions to a minimum. Acquire the responsibilities of being a parent and possess the rule of law concerning to your kid’s rights and to yours as well. Do not be bothered if he will still come to your kids since he is the father. Of course, stick to the no contact rule. This no contact can be apply in silent communication both verbal and non-verbal.
2 – WHAT CAUSED THE BREAKUP?Determining the cause of your break up is important because it can give you an idea of what was the problem of your relationship, why did it went wrong and how you can possibly fix it in time. Often, men do not mean to hurt you so bad. They do not intend to hurt your feelings in worst case because love first endure before trouble came out. However, the average person will break a relationship when he already tasted what he wants. When a woman does not give what he wants anymore. I am not merely talking about sex here, although it is really an issue for men, but I am talking about the intimate admiration. Men like to be admire. They like to be appreciate for who they are and what they are. They love to see each morning, that brings newness in relationship and want be respected by women. Let me tell you a story. A couple seemed to live happily through the years. They have already celebrated almost silver years in their relationship. They have already established a great family. Nevertheless, here comes the point when the husband is starting to find some thrills. He wants to gain admiration, appreciation and respect. However, his wife was too busy in making a living for her family that he forgot to make a life with her husband. She forgot to kiss her husband every morning. She forgot to prepare her husband’s meal. She forgot to say, “I love you.” Therefore, what happened was that the husband found these wants from someone else. Things began to change. Moreover, problems began to arise. Another thing that causes your break up is that when a person nagged to death by his girlfriend. Nagged to death is a thought from boys that their girlfriends are not satisfied with their relationship anymore? Boys may think that they are not working well anymore. That they are not enough to pursue the desires of their girlfriends. This will just start at casual, but then leads into a serious break up. I stated here some of the reasons why you broke up with him. Your ex-boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore This is a noise to hear “You are not attractive anymore” but will always be a matter that seems to be important. This is the reason why he broke up with you. Most men raise this complaint in a relationship that started as infatuation. Most men are attracted to girls in their physical appearance. In addition, at first, men find women as attractive. However, this is only an infatuation, not love, because, true love is felt in proper time and proper place. I mean, you fall in love to that person not just, because you find him attractive but you find eternity in his hour. Your ex-boyfriend was getting bored with you This is another well-founded reason for a breakup. A boring relationship is a result of a boring lover. If you do not put some extra efforts to your relationship, probably it may not last longer. Your character should put into account, making sure that you meet his every expectation. I am not saying that you have to impress him always, but I want you to observe a satisfiability attitude that may fit to him. Do not worry because fortunately, a boring relationship is quite easy to mend. Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you This is a prevalent cause in almost all countries around the world, that men lose their excitement in a relationship because they are not experiencing a happy sex life. They not given their needs in terms of sexual desires, which is highly necessary for them. In addition, unfortunately, women do not figure it out in an earlier time so that is why; they left with their boyfriends. Men usually do not talk about this matter so women tend to gent surprised of a sudden break up. Your ex-boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants In this situation, your boyfriend might not be matured enough to handle relationships. He is not serious in your relationship. Therefore, he decided to break up with you anyway. This will also go with you, if you have this immaturity. You may tend to break up with your boyfriend. In this case, “it’s not you, it’s me” line is commonly used. Cheating When it comes to cheating, these things need not to understand.
- Men and women cheat for very different reasons.
- Men cheat because they are sexually inclined.
- Women cheat because they are emotionally broken and taken for granted
- When these reasons take place, troubles and problems will come which result into a break up.
- No one is better than you to be with him are.
- You cannot live without him.
- You just hate being alone.
- Moreover, you are afraid your boyfriend might find someone first than you do.
3. WHAT TO DO DURING THE NO CONTACT PERIODWell, you had better remind yourself that you might be just addicted to an unhealthy relationship and there is no point going back when it is no longer in your life. Another thing you need to do is by improving yourself after the breakup. Do not let yourself succumb to despair from losing your significant half. Instead, reverse breakup with self-improvement. Of course, you would want to give the impression that you can live without him and you are definitely fine on your own. Enjoying your life with the company of someone else or letting yourself, open in the market is highly effective in making yourself more desirable and sought-after. Once your ex see is that you are unaffected by the separation, he will begin to anticipate the decision of parting ways with you. Make an effort to be attractive. Perhaps, change your lifestyle for the better. Improve areas in yourself, which can make you feel a lot more confident. The easiest area could be your physical self. This means to feel beautiful! I am not saying that you are ugly and that is the reason why you broke up. It is just that at this point, level up your effort to feel good and even more appealing. Maybe get a makeover. – Get in shape. – Change your wardrobe. – Use skin care products. – Get a new hairstyle. Above all, act confident! As they say, you should be beautiful inside out. So let go of those mental baggage that is keeping you from moving on. Changing mentally is much more difficult than changing physically. This is a battle between what you want and what is right. Of course, what is right is the way to achieving your goal. By the way, what is your goal? To be with your ex again. Doing things that you have missed out during your failed relationship can be a big help in regaining confidence and keeping yourself on track with reality. It is good to be distracted for a while. Instead of tucking yourself in bed and feel self-pity, you can focus on work or try going out and having fun in a party or do things that excite you. You can also re-establish bonds with friends. Having someone you can talk and listen to you might just be crucial in your goal. Nevertheless, always keep in mind to choose friends you can trust and rely the most. These changes will not do any help if you do not act through it. So do not focus on changing yourself for someone, but improving for yourself. This may sound naughty but other people might actually help you in getting back your ex. There are several points why dating after break up is good for the plan. The easiest one to recognize is that it is fun and simple. It is another way of enjoying yourself. Do not restrict yourself from happiness. This is your chance to explore. Remember you are free. You are free with a plan! Opening yourself to dating can also help to return confidence in you. The opposite sex always holds the interest to confident people, and your ex is no exception. He would see you not as “broken” as he would think and that is good. This could be something good in regaining his interest in you. Since you already know the changes, you need to make physically, let us talk about the harder thing to improve than physical aspects – mental aspects or your mental state. There are many ways for physical improvement; you could spend a month or two or even half a year to improve your appearance holistically. However, sometimes the best thing is to have a major asset people could turn their attention to. This asset is one of the biggest assets you could have after the breakup is being free mentally. The aftermath of your relationship that has ended has the advantage of being calm down from a mental tension since it is not actually healthy to suffer a mental depression wrapped with anxiety, despair and melancholic loneliness in a quite long period. Overthinking leads to some mental distortion until it becomes extreme which is quite dangerous for a person who feels lonely with the world on her shoulder. Therefore, in making decision for a mental change is rekindling up the hopeless candle that is out of light. Mental change is more uplifting and delightful than physical change because it directly means you outlived from the deepest ground to make a firm stand against the world. You are changing a new outfit. Nonetheless, everything would be possible if you will not just sit there and procrastinate. Try to move your mind and change directions toward resiliency upon self. For in order for those things to happen you need to take first actions. Focus on your work; it is the first move you can make. It is really good to have a distraction in your mind, though it is not as much as pastime but you should get your mind a lot of things to do – not too busy to worry, but too busy of more important things such as your works. Distract yet relax your brain for a while, and focus on things you gain more benefits. However, this is focusing on work used to take your mind of your ex-lover. The other one is renewing a hobby. It just simply means, making fun out of your life. Just as full-time pastime for yourself, also. You can play outdoors or indoors and take some leisure to a place you ever wanted to go. You can also get along with the smoothly soft breezes under the shades of the trees unwinding with your favorite tracks. You can also write a journal. I know that sometimes a thunderstorm of thoughts rage your mind when you embrace the moment of epiphany and nostalgia. A constant racing of something you want to express through writing about your ex-lover is in the field battling for which dominates among the two inside your mind since you know you will not be able to talk to him for a thirty days or more. Thus, it can be a good idea to jot them down in a journal. One of the best things also to do is to have fun. Yes, simply have fun with your friends or family. If anyone invites you to go, you could. Go out for a party and let your mood elevates itself. You can also reconnect with your friends. Friends are great. They can be your leaning wall whenever your back is against the wall; they can be your crying shoulder; and outlet of change towards yourself. In your bad times, they will be there at your side. They will listen to you in the times of need. However, of course, do not let them talk about your ex-lover or make you call him until the no-contact period is over. What some advice being in the cool off situation? Catch up with the No Contact Rule Book. I recommend going out with someone else. Someone who is not your past lover. Think of the idea either you find it nice or not. During the time of having no contact with each other, go on a date with someone new. Hesitation takes place though it is normal. Is that idea a smart one? Well, it feeds up your self-esteem. It builds up your confidence whenever you date with other people. It is a little bit overwhelming since you feel within you that you are attractive to someone else. Compliments would always cheer you up and make you feel great. Furthermore, it swerves your mind from your ex-lover. Your time will be more spent to the new person you met, and because you are busy you have less time to think of him. You are having fun that could boost your mood instead of living being miserable and completely depressed in a four-walled dark crib. Women who have not been engaged in an intimate relationship for a long period may feel worried about meeting someone new. So, this will somewhat cure a phobia or fear that has been developed. It may be worrisome but do not feel awkward because still you make new friends and focus in having fun with them or the new person you just met. The last reason on why you have to deal with dating someone new is the indication that shows you are already moving on. In a very strange way, you rather want your ex-lover to know that you are dating with someone. You appear like self-assured and strong which are attractive. Keep your mind focus to this section because this contains the very essential part of having no contact rule. Think of the moment you decided to have no contact rule and achieve it for 30 days. Of course, you are not just sitting there and watch for what will happen. You really worked for it. You really do have an intensive plan to make the no contact rule successful in your part. In order also to “get back your ex-boyfriend”. You work towards your goal by focusing on the things, which you think you have control to.
- Reminder of the No Contact Period Rules
- No texting, calling, emailing, stalking at Facebook, or writing a letter to your ex-boyfriend.
- I recommend that you do not dig into your exes’ life at all.
- If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebook you, you are not allowed to respond.
- Do not listen to anything your ex says about you no matter what.
- If you break your no contact period agreement, talking to him in any shape before the 30 days method done then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.
- Things to Avoid During the No Contact Process
- Wanting to gain more sleep due to how you feel.
- Staying home and not going out.
- Drinking too much (alcohol.)
- Showing everyone, you have known all about the breakup.
- Making big life decisions.
- Calling in sick to work frequently.
4 – YOUR MEANS OF CONTACTDo you still have contacts with him? I mean, you have not even started contacting our exes have you? I bet yes is the answer because you are still on the no contact rule. Well, right now is when we start that step. Are you getting excited? All right, this is a much debated topic today especially in the youth. There are a lot of arguments regarding this. Every expert, including me seems to have a different viewpoint on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend it is better to reach your ex through text, mail, call or letter. There are many suggestions. So, what is really the best method? Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every relationship is different. Different relationship will require different methods. Some people prefer mailing while some prefer calling. Personally, I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to focus on that method and the best practices using it. Why I prefer texting? As stated above, I personally prefer texting than any method of contact for several reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can move you. Let us look at each method individually starting with: The Phone In my research, I found that many experts suggest calling after the no contact period. I have read hundreds of stories of women who have actually gain success with this method. Honestly, I do not like the phone calls for these following reasons. First, it does not give me time to think. It makes me to have those impromptu skills in speaking though I am only talking to my ex. It makes me go tense and horrible. Second, my ex-boyfriend will directly hear my voice, which I think, is a bad idea for keeping my mobility. Writing a Letter I do not know about you but if I got a letter unexpectedly from an ex-boyfriend, I might be a little creped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkers and writing a letter the wrongly can definitely have an impact of hurt to you. Texting Preferably, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text message method. Texting is super affectionate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of fun things like inserting an emoji or other fun-filled features of new mobile technologies. It is also impossible to raise your voice, making you sounds like rude in a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can consume your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone will not allow you. So you can have a safe conversation as you replies more wisely.
5 – THE GAME PLANBefore you have decided to “get your boyfriend back” you need to plan first right? Well, I have provided here the basic guidelines in plotting down your game plan. Remember that this is not only a game, but a game with a plan. A game to win back your ex. The plans stated above may not seem clear to you in the first run. I would be amazed if it did. I am going to go through every detailed single step in a very-in depth manner so do not worry though. However, before we proceed, I think it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above was not carve in sediments. It can changed depending on how you view your perspective towards it. Each single relationship is unique from each other and may require unique steps differently. Knowing the process outlined above, including knowing how to do it can sometimes depend on your gut. If your gut were telling, you that a particular method I have outlined would not work for you I would definitely spit it out for you. Trust it. The main strategy here is that you are going to have to get creative with your plan.
6 – IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW BEFORE YOU CONTACT YOUR EXBefore contacting your ex, there are necessary rules you are going to follow. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Let us look: 1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL. 2. Typically, you want your ex only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship. 3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming. 4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships. 5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (You cannot start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.) 6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while. 7. In general rule, the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW. 8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he does not respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again. 9. You cannot come off as needy. 10. Be very patient.
7 – FIRST CONTACT TEXT MESSAGEFirst impressions do really last. It tells everything. You have to keep that on your mind. How you make this first contact message is almost as important as the how you really planned this game. Why? Because, if you tighten this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back farewell. No pressure though. The main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Well, it is hard to open up communication to a person who means something for you. Who have left a very promising mark in your heart? Bear in mind, you want to keep mobility going. That means you have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more interesting in your conversation, please do not ask questions that are answerable by “no.” That is the main rule there. Big No-No’s This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
- You cannot get angry or upset.
- You cannot expect anything (manage your expectations.)
- This is not mean to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
- Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
- Do not make your ex think too much.
- The First Contact Rules
- You have to be positive
- You have to be confident