Relationship is about feeling…
One day you will wake up seeing your partner like he is the most handsome man in the world. However, when you wake up the next day, you will see him like a monster devouring you. It is an ironic feeling of the heart that comes within when you take it seriously.
From the dew of the morning to the stars of the night, you feel something in your relationship. Something strange but common. Something heavy but light. Something big but small. It is a recognizable feeling working deep within the different emotions your heart expresses.
When you say that a relationship is a moment of joy and charm, you are not wrong about it. You are just celebrating life in the thought of carpe diem or living as if tomorrow will not happen. On the other hand, when you say that a relationship is a moment of grief and agony, you are also not wrong about it. Because a relationship is not always on the state of happiness. It is also the state of sadness.
A serious relationship feels both the positive and negative feeling. When you feel these emotions, you are really in a serious relationship. These emotions come in different ways for you will encounter them like you have not encountered them before.
There is a feeling of fear. A fear that comes from a deep thirst. A result of being conscious that your boyfriend is having a secret affair with someone else, or a fear that he might be leaving you. In short, that is the fear of losing him.
There is a feeling of loneliness. Loneliness and emptiness may fill your heart. You feel lonely and empty because you think that you are already giving your all.
There is a feeling of calmness. A soft and quiet waves of the ocean pounding in your heart. Resounding, reverberating and recoiling the memories drowned in despair.
There is a feeling of serenity. A tranquil and soothing air that brings you peace.
These feelings are not always the subject of our thoughts but the ones who are making our relationships to keep going.
In a relationship, you are not just knowing him but you are also discovering your true self. You are discovering how deep is your love and how it feels to be in love.
Find out here: How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Forever
You took risk
You took risk for all of it in the name of love. Even if you already know that there will going to be some circumstances along the way, you are still taking risk in the name of love. Even if you are bounded with issues regarding the differences of your culture and religion you still shout for love because you believe that these things are not the hindrance for you to show love.
You would rather choose to be stumble in the ground than to stay in the corner doing nothing for love
Having a relationship with someone is going to be one of your greatest battle in life. Sometimes you feel happy, but sometimes not. Sometimes you feel worried and sometimes secured. There is going to be sunshine and storm in every journey your feet has to take.
In a relationship, you cannot assure that your partner can bring you the real satisfaction. Nor you can give him the best things he needed in life. Thus, your relationship would turn into a sudden break up. This is a bad thing but you have no control over it. It really happens for most of lovers out there. Their relationship is very sweet at first but will suddenly turn into bitterness later.
It is very difficult to handle a relationship and handle a break up. After breaking up with him, you may encounter many possibilities why you would have to pave a way to contact your ex-boyfriend. You may find a reason why you would still have to be friends. Why you should not cut your communication even if you have already cut your relationship.
There are many reasons. Like you still love him and you do not want to lose him. Or you are asking him to keep his distance from you after your break up. Or if you have children, you need to talk to him to ensure the children’s future. You may even want to get him back. You want him to be jealous in order to make him come back to you.
But before you start to make some contacts, take a deep breath and ponder about everything you need to do when taking the process of contacting your ex-boyfriend.
It is very difficult to contact your ex-boyfriend. It is a critical process that needs to be planned carefully so that you may not end up to be broken once again.
If you have plans to get back your ex-boyfriend, make this reference as your premiere guide for contacting your ex. This will be going to look at every single detail of how to properly contact your ex-boyfriend. Not only that, this will also tell you which method suits to your situation right now.
But before anything else, make sure that you have already done the no contact rule. This is a very important step in getting back your ex-boyfriend because it strongly emphasizes your worth as an ex-lover.
So let’s give this a shot…
How do you make a contact with your ex-boyfriend?
That simple question can lead to a complicated answer. Since you went through this page, I bet you are quite interesting about getting back your ex-boyfriend by contacting him the proper way. I solemnly swear to give you the best methods you can have in approaching your ex through texting or calling.
There are really rules in talking to your ex.
For now, I will outline the basic rules for you.
The set of rules I am going to present here are very significant. They will secular the pillar for each single conversation you will have with your ex until you achieve your goal.
When women talk to other women emotions can be expressed without any impact. Indeed, I assume that this is why women are such good decoders of communication. When you went along with women in your entire life, you are probably capable enough of dealing with different emotions.
On the other hand, men are different. Men do not usually burst out emotions when talking to another man. They are just passive and bears deep within their hearts the giants that most women tend to show off. That is why, men are really so hard to understand when talking about emotions.
Here is the simple truth!
Most women do mistakes when contacting their ex-boyfriend. They did not prepare a plan that is why they fail. They usually approach their ex-boyfriends rudely and has no respect. In most cases, they tend to be desperate in getting them back. They appear like there would nothing else that can satisfy them except their ex and they feel incomplete and shattered whenever they lose someone. Wherein, their ex-boyfriends are actually getting irritated about these actions. Of course no one likes to entertain someone who has a selfish intention. So basically, contacting him in unethical approach is a bad idea.
After your break up, he definitely expects for you to contact him. He is expecting to receive text messages or calls from you. That I why I recommend you to do the opposite and refuse to make any contacts with him. By this, he will become curious why you are not doing this and become upset of your actions. He may become jealous and eventually want you to get him back.
Do this for one month and witness the drastic effect of silence in your life.
Ways to contact your Ex!
There are a lot of ways to contact your ex-boyfriend. Some of them are easy to do and some are not. Now, I will show to you the three most common ways of contacting an ex-boyfriend.
Calling through Phone
This is the first on our list.
When you are calling or talking to your ex, it is very hard for you to give a nice response since you do not have time to think. You have no opportunity of thinking for a response because calling is a dynamic process. If you gone into dead airs, then he might lose his attention and interest in calling you and may decide to refrain from talking to you any longer.
When calling your ex, he is expecting for you to respond with him and things may get out of your control quickly. So, my precaution to you when doing phone calls is this: Do not call when you are not prepared.
Let us talk about being prepared now during phone calls
I want you to remember the rules of contacting to your ex-boyfriend as what I have stated above. I want you to remember those always and contemplate with those very well because those were the things we need to set in harmony.
Unlike call center agents, when conducting a phone call, you are not given any scripts. You need to formulate your own response because you do not know what words that will come out from your ex. A lot may want me to give you a script regarding the proper handling a communication via phone calls. But sorry because I strongly believe that only you can make the real script.
So what to do now?
Rather than providing you a scripted response, I think it is better if I will teach you what I have learned about having a good communication when I want to achieve what I want.
The first thing you need to learn is to not overreact. It is a very simple command. Do not overreact.
This is very applicable thing when it comes to your ex.
Why? Well, it is because your ex has the power to make you go insane with just a single word he has spoken.
If you feel like you are not in the good mood, or you are facing some emotional battles, I suggest you to not talk tour ex. You may not control your over reaction feelings when he suddenly says a joke. As a matter of fact, bad mood persons misunderstood the world badly. They do not want to listen to any positive thoughts because they are negative. And all they want in their life is negative emotions. And we cannot do anything about that, because that is their life.
Consider this thing. If your ex picked a lovely flower in the garden and you saw it wholly, and you are still not in the good mood, you will certainly feel mad and angry about him. And take note, that little hole of anger can lead into eternal big hoes of fight between you.
The next thing that I want you to learn right now is you have to master the ability of leaving your ex wanting for more. You have to leave him astounded like he cannot believe it that he broke your heart.
About a week ago, my friend wanted to call me. I was tired at that time so I left a notion.
“Let us talk tomorrow.”
But she was really excited about what she is going to say so kept insisting. Then I eventually gave in:
“Ok, let us talk for only 5 minutes.”
Our phone call lasted for about half an hour.
I was really upset about the result. Though it is also my decision to whether cut the conversation immediately, I was still being not in control. At first I thought our conversation would only last for about 5 minutes. But it suddenly turned into 15 minutes, then turned into like I want to talk to her forever.
Now, what happened to me should not happen to you. I did not notice it that I was already giving in my control. I was weak to recognize it earlier. And most especially. I was weak to forget the rule which I had made.
What I want you to understand right now is that calling on somebody on the phone can be addictive. You will go into some longings of that certain voice reverberating in your mind.
Through phone calls, you can successfully win back your ex. That is why this is a very interesting to tool to effectively get back your ex-boyfriend. However, the process is not just merely calling or picking up the phone. It is not just bursting out how you feel towards him.
Calling on the phone has to take into process and there is a specific way on how to make it as an effective tool of getting back your ex. Let us look at some of the boons and banes of calling your ex-boyfriend on the phone.
The good stuff
Things will come to emotions in a best way. You can be both emotional and get a precise answer to your queries. And most importantly, you can finally hear his voice once again.
The ugly stuff
Things will come to emotions in a worst way. When you are calling your ex, you get stuttered because you do not have enough time to think about what you are going to say. Every time your ex they ask a question, you have to think very quickly so that you can answer very quickly. And if you fail to do this, there is a tendency that you might say words that need not to be spoken. You might have arguments. You might fight with each other again. And you get into trouble again.
Writing a Letter
Second on our list is writing a letter.
Writing a letter is an engaging method for contacting your ex. Many big companies are requiring this traditional method of means of communication because it appears more professional and respectful. In substance, the most persuasive letter that you can have is the one that contains your intimate love for him and the determination of how you are eager to reconnect with him. The biggest problem I see with this method is the fact that if you have gone not contacting your ex for about one month, it might sound like weird if your ex receives a letter expressing your intimate love. He might wonder if the sent letter is real or not.
– If your ex-boyfriend is willing to receive traditional letters, then this might be a good strategy to contact him.
– Sending letters can be very disgusting if done improperly. Also, you cannot have an assurance to get an immediate feedback from him. After doing the no contact rule then you write a letter expressing your intimate love for him, it can hurt you even more. For it takes really an effort to write. You can remember all those memories you have shared together and you can recall all the places you have been.
Writing A Text Message
Last but definitely not the least, we have texting.
I text a lot every day. I text my friends and my family. Basically, I text them in accordance to their specificity. In accordance to their groups.
What do I mean by texting a group?
Texting a group or group message is the act of placing your contact list in accordance to their category. Like for example I tend to put my best friend to group “Friends” or I put my mom to group “Family” or I put my boyfriend to group “Lovers”.
That is how it goes.
To have a clear understanding about this, let us take a look on how it really goes with these two major groups.
You might be wondering why I include the friend groups here. I intentionally included it in order to make some comparisons on how texting a lover could be different from texting a friend. Together, I want you to understand the difference of communicating a certain group of people.
When I am texting my friends, I really do not care about what will going to be her response. We are friends so there is nothing to be worried about it. There are also what you call casual friends. They are the friends who are really not that close to you but you know them by their names and existence. When you are texting them, you are just like posting your message to twitter which means you do not really intend to text them but you have no choice because they are one of your groups and they will basically receive every message that you send.
However, the system changes when you are now texting someone who is courting you. Or let us say your crush. Now with this kind of rhythm, all tones are in melody and you really cared about his response. You are expecting a positive reply and each second, you are thinking about what he is doing right now. You scrutinize every single response you receive. You feel worried if the response is too short like “ok” or “fine”. And you even get wild when you do not receive any response at all.
Texting is like taking a no-erasure examination.
You need to carefully read the instructions and analyze the questions before shading the answer.
In texting, you need to make sure that the text message you are about to send can inspire the receiver. Especially in the case where you are texting your ex-boyfriend. This is because you want to receive a positive response. If you fail to do this, you might end up getting no response.
Sad to say, only few women tend to examine carefully what they need to text to their ex-boyfriend. Again, they are doing the process hurriedly and they come into failure.
However, whether you like it or not texting is nothing more than an examination and like any other test, you can risk failing if you do not read the instructions.
There are many variables in this examination. But there is only one particular rule of examination that we are going to focus here.
That is having a control.
Most men consider having control over texting is a very important aspect. They take time to replenish everything and think about what they are going to text.
Control- You are controlling your conversation if the person you are talking to is exerting more effort in. You can recognize this by looking at the scope of the text message and the number of text messages sent.
Below are some of the examples:
You: Did you see Alex today?
Him: Yes! Like I saw her more than beautiful than before. She looks so amazingly hot like she changes a lot! I never would have expected that I can see her dresses like Kylie Jenner. Did you see her too?
As you can see, the first person who is ‘You’ in the conversation sent just a short message. And the second person which is ‘Him’ in the conversation sent a very long reply. This is an indication that you are putting more effort than him in the conversation. This is telling us that the second person is more interesting and more engaged in the conversation than the first one. Therefore, you are more in control of the conversation because you keep words rather than uttering it all. This is not really being the case of everybody since everyone has unique character. Maybe you are just really the type of person that is speaking less and listening more. And he is the type of person that wants the whole world to know what he feels by talking. But at least in some point, talking less is giving us an insight that you are conscious about what you are going to say and that means you have control over yourself as a whole.
Here is an another example:
You: (Texting a message)
Him: (Texting a message)
Him: (Texting a message)
Him: (Texting a message)
You: (Texting a message)
As observed, the conversation puts into pattern. Notice how frequently you texts him and how frequently he texts you too. You only give just a brief and concise message while he gives a very long intervallic messages. Again, that is also an indication that you are more in control over your conversation because you think thinking first before clicking a response.
Thus, this lessens your chances of committing mistakes because you only give what is exact and appropriate. Rather than him, he might wrongfully send false information.
Texting is a very common type of thing. Almost all people are using cellular phones now a day. Statistically, more or less 90% of the people who have a cell phone are doing text messaging.
Text messages are sensitive to everybody. Notice if you accidentally read the private message of your friend. She will definitely go mad and angry upon you. She will feel uncomfortable since you know something that is not supposed to be known.
Texting can make the situation run into your favor. You can have a sharp advantage since you are surely prepared to this. You have enough time to think more clearly about what you are going to say and you do not feel ashamed since you are just typing and you do not breathe your words.
Good to know, your ex might be taking your text messages seriously and he will keep it exclusive for only the both of you. Unlike calling, your friends will not notice that both of you are texting to each other especially when you are surrounded by your friends. Texting can be a way to communicate with him personally without facing him actually.
– Texting can be cherished because you could back read your previous conversations. You could back read about those topics which you have shared with. In texting, you can also send some cute emoji and memorable photos. You can also have a soft tone when texting because you are able to control the meaning of your text by thinking first.
– There is definitely no negative effects of texting unless you are mean of saying harsh words intended for him. All I can say to this is that texting your boyfriend is a complex process because you will come up to a lot of topics which might bring you into some little misconceptions.
There are also three ways to properly contact your ex-boyfriend.
Now I will be going to show you the actual game plan when contacting your ex-boyfriend
Step 1: You should implement the no contact rule. Basically for about 30 days you will not be in contact with your ex. Literally, you are not allowed to text him, call him, stalk him on Facebook, or even search him on Google. If you have mistakenly done this or if you were being tempt to contact him just once, then you have to reset your date and do it all over again.
Step 2: After implementing the no contact rule for 30 days or not literally 30 days but over one-month period, now you are ready to contact him. Do the first move. You can reach him by any methods you can use as mentioned above. But practically speaking, I recommend you to use the “Writing a text message” process.
If you choose to write a text message, it should be appealing so that your ex can have an interest to read it. You should write a message that goes beyond his nerves and will make him really want to reply to every single message that you have sent.
Step 3: If you have already reached your point of communicating him, try to ask him if he has a free time so that you can have s small meet up. Basically, things might happen during the course of step 2 and 3. You cannot expect things to happen in your own way. Of course, you take your own time but you have no control over it.
When inviting him for a meet up, do not reach him through text message. Contact him through phone calls
Actually, you can make any combination of the three process mentioned above.
In order to make these process successful, be confident!
When talking about confidence here, I am talking about you who are not afraid to look your ex in the eye. You are brave enough to show him confidence by curving a smile then let things happen in their own special ways.
I actually noticed this to every man and woman out there. When I look them in the eye, they tend to look away and throw their sightings to where they could be more comfortable looking at. I admit that I have also experienced this thing. Especially to somebody that I hate. When that somebody that I hate looks me in my eyes, I immediately looks away with fear and panic. And that is the thing that makes me like a loser in this game. So I really mean to say this that having confidence in you could drown your enemy into shame.
If you ever wonder why I associate smiling into confidence, well your actions are telling it all. Just try to do it and examine what changes it could bring to you as an ex-lover. No matter what your goal is with regards to getting back your ex-boyfriend, I want you to always bear that confidence by smiling like the whole world is smiling back at you.
Consequently, I see some big problems here. Most girls wanted to make these processes very quickly like they do not have plans on how to do it first. Well, I have already mentioned what you are going to do first but bear in mind that confidence is not that easy to gain. It is gained in a proper due time when you are ready enough to face your ex. Begin with your friends. Start to practice having confidence in them until such time you realize that you are actually on the verge of it. You are now ready to take advantage over your ex by showing him the unbearable confidence that you can have.
But of course, even if I am trying here to educate you about properly contacting your ex, I am still not in control about your decisions. I am telling you what to do but it is yours to decide.
Just follow these set of instructions so that you may not end up commenting like “I was hurt. If only I have followed you, I may not be here to the place of mourning.”
Nevertheless, the only one trouble I notice with women who do not follow the set of instructions is that they are not prepared. And they sometimes do it hurriedly which cause them to stumble and fall.
Yes, you might say that confidence is an attribute that someone is born with but I am here to tell you that it is actually part of the nature. You can practice to have confidence and day by day, you can improve it. I think the most common example here is the ones which can be seen in movies where a simple teenage girl turned out to be the head turner of the night during their prom. Well her total transformation from being simple to being confidently beautiful was achieved not just on a single blink of an eye. I presume she took a lot of efforts and broke a lot of sweats just to achieve that confidence in her.
Aside from being confident, you also need to be nice.
Pleasant people can have a good image towards others while unpleasant people gains no friends. If they do gain some, well I think those were also unpleasant ones. Basically, being nice is not a plastic idea. It is an attitude that shows how you would like to be treated awfully. How you behave can change your world. It is not literally the whole world but the world where you are dwelling on.
It is a basic rule. If you treat him nice, then he will treat you nice. If you send him nice text messages, then he will reply nice messages. But if you are telling bad words to him, then probably he might also send you messages that are not pleasant to your ears.
Always declare that whenever you are doing these rules, good things will happen
How you make a conversation with your ex-boyfriend will depend perfectly on your goal. Take for an example, someone who is trying to move on with life after breaking up with boyfriend is different from getting him back. That is what I want you to learn from this guide. I want to make you good in dealing with different situations when contacting your Ex. And also, I want you to learn the basic rules in properly approaching your ex-boyfriend. While there are many possible situations, I only focus on the most common ones.
Below are the most common situations when contacting your Ex:
- How to have conversation with him if you want to get him back.
- How to have conversation with him if you want to move on with your past relationship.
- How to have conversation with him where he will not get defensive.
Well basically, these situations can be easily addressed by using the methods I have presented above.
As time goes by and season changes, you find yourself spending more and more about your relationship. And now, it became your past relationship.
You spend it all. You spend your loyalty, your time, your effort, your trust, your hope and even your dreams.
In your relationship, you thought that there were many reasons why you should get him back. That is why, you took risk in trying methods that could possibly bring him back.
You have tried the no contact rule and all those other methods that can bring him back. And now, here is the method of properly contacting him. You also want to try this on. But one thing is for sure. Even if you have already tried all the methods around the world on getting him back, if you are really meant to be, then you could really bring him back. I am not talking about destiny here but I am telling you that if he really loves you, he will also make some efforts to bring back your relationship.
More than anything else, what I like the most about contacting an ex is to talk to him in person.
I believe that talking to someone in person is an excellent choice.
When you have done all the methods mentioned above, and still did not came out a better result, then I prefer you should try the personal communication.
Personal communication means talking to somebody face-to-face. Face-to-face talking is far more effective in clearing out clouds of misconception than any other methods I have discussed earlier. I decided to make this my last point since I want you to be left astounded.
When you talk personally, you are becoming more honest. Being honest, you possess the code of acceptance. You accept that there will be things which will happen opposite to what you have expected. Having great expectations, you are not ashamed of him because you know that he will understand you.
Even if you cry.
Even if you blame.
Even if you fight him.
He will still let you lean on his breast when everything is heavy. He will still be there to listen and understand you wholeheartedly. He will understand you because you confessed honestly. You were ready to talk to him in person and you do not aim for selfish benefits.
For such true love is about understanding. Understanding words that are spoken by heart and not by mouth.
Understanding message of silence, the body creates. Understanding the pain covered by curving smile. Understanding the joy of every defeat. Understanding the longing and emptiness of the heart. And understanding every drop of tears falling from the eyes. If you truly understand, it will be easy for you to give forgiveness and bear acceptance. With forgiveness and acceptance, you can have a greater chance of getting back your ex-boyfriend because these are the virtues that need to be considered.
Now, I will help you to communicate with your ex properly by using these essential expressions of talking to him
If you speak these words, you definitely speak with more respect and confidence. Try them out and see the results for yourself.
- “I’m sorry for losing you.”
– Telling this phrase can make your ex know that you care about him. This contains only 5 simple words but when spoken directly with a heart, can make a greater impact towards the feeling of your ex. This can melt their heart, and would certainly show your deepest yearning when the time that he was not around.
- “You were always on my mind.”
– Letting him know that you always think about him could really catch his attention. Especially now that you have already broke up with each other.
– This is quite a long sentence. However, will also captivate your ex-boyfriend’s attention. The length of this sentence will tell your ex how much farther you could love him even more. In addition, this will tell him that even if you had your break up, you still remember him. And he will always be in your heart forever.
If you say this, both of you can remember all the good things you have done. Not only good things, but also the bad ones. The bad things which was your escape in reality. Reality that nothing in this world would last forever. That is why you live like tomorrow does not exist.
If you say this, you are saying that he matters to you. You are saying that he is one of the most important person in your life. And your feelings toward him will never be changed.
- “I know it was hard for you.”
– Feeling his pain is something that he could appreciate. It can make him value his worth for he will no longer think that he is alone. That is a very important thing because appreciating one’s value is a critical process in life. Especially when you are still having that identity crisis. If you let him appreciate his value, then he will appreciate your value as well.
If you say this, you are showing that you also feel his pain. Along with this, you want him to suffer no more.
- “I miss you”
– Telling this would also be the same to saying “I love you.” It just tells the whole situation. You broke up with each other, move on with each other’s life, and misses each other.
How you miss someone can tell how you love someone. Because you would never spare your time to someone you do not love.
If you say this, you are telling your ex that he is not alone. You are telling him that he could always count on you. And you are bringing the chance of your relationship to come back in full colors.
Furthermore, there are also proper guidelines in making yourself attractive when talking to your ex. Since both of you considers the essence of acceptance now, it is not a big deal anymore to dress like Cinderella. But of course, being good looking is not just a showcase of style. It is also an attitude.
Looking flawless is what I am going to let you know now. Since we are dealing with contacting your ex now, why not try to contact him in different perspective? I mean, not just electronically driven means of contact but the contact which needs not to be stated in words. I admit that when I talk to someone who’s I am attracted to, I do not listen to every words that he is saying anymore. Instead, I tend to have some reveries.
Why this is important?
Because it occurs every time to a person’s life. I remember a few weeks ago, I was talking to a guy personally. As in face to face. He was so cute and I just can’t stop staring at his lovely eyes. I really cannot forget about his eyes and it is the only thing I would remember when I go to sleep at night.
Why am I sharing this?
Because, that conversation happened a few weeks ago. And until now, I am still thinking about it. The beauty of his eyes are still retained in my mind. That is why I therefore conclude this point is interesting. If he would call me right now via phone, I will really not hesitate to answer.
Remember that this article is all about contacting your ex-boyfriend. And just like the process of getting back an ex-boyfriend, there is a sure process that you will have to talk to your ex personally if you want to clear things out and move on.
I have suggested that you will be going to ignore your ex and do the no contact rule. However, this process should be done only at the beginning stage. Later when you have already accomplished what you need to do, then try contacting your ex and examine if the no contact rule has really worked.
Try either one of those processes stated above about how you would properly contact your ex and see if your ex positively responds to these process. If he responds positively, then it is a good news for you to start conversing with him face to face. Nonetheless, if he responds negatively, he is showing disinterest to you anymore.
Fortunately, the no contact rule process has been proven effective. So in most cases, this can really happen prevalantly and so to you.
So, if you really want to get him back, then contact him properly with respect and careful thoughts. In this period, you need to guard your feelings over every emotion that might hinder you from getting him back. These emotions are like giant sinkers that drown you from the despair.
If you talk with him, you need not talk about the controversial things. Just focus the on essential expressions that I have mentioned above. Do not forget to speak them whenever you are speaking to your ex.
When you have your conversation, be careful about your choice of words. Please choose the appropriate words that are pleasing to hear and the words that will not make him defensive. As always, when you ask a question, it should not be answerable by yes or no. So that the flow of your conversation would be dynamic.
Basically, no one likes to receive bad news.
No one likes to talk about things that could make them inconvenient.
No one likes to be stranded during the course of any conversation.
So you must be careful to make your conversation go well without making him defensive.
Do you still remember your last fight? I bet there was acrimony, fury, and hatred that happened during that fight. But after that, of course you have learned something. You have learned to control yourself whenever you feel that you can get into trouble.
When I got into an argument with my boyfriend who is now my ex, I was not really mad about the disagreement we were having. I was just being upset with the way that he talked to me. His baritone voice, his discontent and disgust with me showed through and I really did not like being talked to that way.
So, the only real reason why we got into an argument was because of the way he had approached talking to me about something. Now, this is the insight. If he only come and talk to me very calmly and peacefully there would have been no argument or fight. He must have respect me in order for him to earn respect as well.
Now, let us apply this insight to most situations that couples are taking
If you were to approach your specific case in a very calm manner I believe that most arguments could be avoided. Honestly, this will not work perfectly at all times because there are times when no matter how much efforts you have done to your ex, he will be still get furious to you. So, if you think that you and your ex need to talk about something serious or something that you feel could probably disgust him you need to prepare yourself before entering to the tiger’s territory.
And what is the best way to prepare? Just keep calm always. When you keep calm, you cannot be left alone. Because you will not be easily stumble and fall. Just like the popular maxim says, “Come slowly but surely.”
One day, despite your age, 18, 24, 36, 42 and so on, you will fall upon to someone’s shoulder who will pour out the storm in you when you only asked for rain. That storm could be a tragedy or a nightmare where there is no way to wake up. All that matter is your mechanism to receive it. Whether you can bare it or not.
However, the sad thing about this is that if you have already invest something for him, you cannot rest assured that he will really be the one. Hopefully, when you try your best to get him back again, there are a lot of ways to make your relationship grow stronger. And of that is to contact him properly.
Certainly I have understood you because you found all the qualities of a guy that you think would perfectly fit with yours. Maybe he was attractive, charming, delightful, or engaging that is why you really wants him to be yours forever. Or maybe he was that kind of person with depth understanding towards the universe, has deep emotions, strong mind and someone who could make you smile a little bigger. I really understand you about that. And I have no complaints regarding that.
Because I believe that love is not supposed to be perfect. There are a lot of roads to go through. That could be one example considering nothing on earth is. Things have their own blemish. So complicated, and never come exactly how we expect them to be. We are humans, which means we always commit mistakes.
So goes with a relationship. There is no perfect relationship. It could also have its own flaws. The problem is that many relationship creates sad eyes in happy faces. And happy eyes in sad faces. Just try to absorb it really quick.
Many people picture out love as holding on for perfection. Even though they already know that perfection does not really exist, they are still running after it.
Many also say that love should look like a perfect parliamentary procedure. That means there should only be simple problems to be solved, or there should be no problem at all.
But life does not have to live that way. And love does not have top move that way.
Love can be chaotic. It can be vulnerable. It can be disastrous. It can be the channel of honesty telling us the beauty of ugliness. Or it can be a blanket covering the unromantic shades of the night.
Love should not sound like your favorite song. It gets you addicted and wants to hear it all over again. In a relationship, it is okay to be addictive to your partner but what if he will be gone? The pain must come to double.
Love is an embarrassing story to be told. Love is an empty mansion. Love is a dirty paradise. Love is everything. Because of love, you feel a lot of emotions.
Love, like any other things in life, is meant to be your distraction. Even though it is not perfect, true love — real, humble and honest is always worth it.
Even if I say that he could not be the one, but still I am not sure. Maybe this time, he may be the one. He may be the one to break you up, nip you apart and tear you into pieces. Besides, he could also be the one to mend your heart, guard it, and most especially, love it.
For me, loving someone is like waking up at dawn and grabbing my phone to send a text message saying “I miss you.” Every moment, I find ways to contact someone I love. Even if he does not know that I dreamed about him every single hour since the moment he came into my life. And by the moment that he left, I would still wake up at dawn and still grab my phone but this time, I am not going to text him since I am doing the no contact rule. But of course, that is only intended for the first stage of the process of getting him back. After one month, I will be going to contact him once again. It was just like before. I frequently call him at any hour of the day. I wanted to hear his voice always. And now, again I wanted to hear it. It was not just about updating status in Facebook or tagging every pictures that we have been together. But it was the moments which we have cherished by staring at each other’s faces seeing many flaws that never tend to border us apart. Behind those flaws, we still accept each other because we knew from each other that love always endure. Loving him was extremely surprising. And each day, I have seen him to be more handsome. Our story may full of twist. But it was worth it. Really worth it.
Now that he is gone, not merely gone in the world, but gone in my life, I am doing everything just to bring him back. I have done a lot of methods especially the no contact rule and properly contacting him. And now, I am happy because he is slowly coming back to me right now.
Now that I am starting to tell my story here, would you allow me to continue it? Well, thank you for the remarks.
Where do I have to begin?
Maybe days’ end too quickly. I have gone far away from you. That is why, we came to this point of leaving each other. You promised me that you would send me letters for the 90 days that you will be gone. So I also expected to receive 13 letters week by week.
During the first quarter of your leave, I received a note from a little boy. It promises a note of forever. The feeling tastes like a sugar dipping through my heart. I cannot contain it any longer for I know for a week or two, I will be missing you again. I replied with the same promise.
We continuously exchanged letters for the first two weeks. It was really making my heart happy because I was really longing for you. When all of a sudden, something has changed. You became busy. You said that school was becoming busy.
Yes, I have received 13 letters. And I was happy because you did not break your promise. But my happiness came to end. I received 13 letters. But you did not come home. You said it was only 90 days. But it took a year. It took a year before I saw you again.
And so sad that everything has changed. It was from a friend when I heard that you have found someone.
7th, 8th, 9th letters. You told me you would never leave me. 10th, 11th, 12th, you said that school was busy. 13th letter. Why did you say sorry?
Oh, let me count the ways on where to begin. So, I was there. Questioning myself on how did I affect his life.
“Did I say that he is handsome? I know it was clear. And I have been telling this for a couple of times. Anyway, I am going to tell it again.
Did I say that he is handsome? That curly hair flipping and bouncing in the air. That eyes that keep on smiling and lips that keep on touching. That patterned iris and black pupil. That low toned voice that keep my heartbeats fast.
Getting to know him was the most wonderful journey I ever take.
It was like I have discovered the essence of living my life because of him. At the very first time, there was a moment when I could not believe it would happen. Almost afraid of what am I going to do. It was only innocence where I could wisely put my heart on. I kept on saying that it was not real. Everything about you was impossible to achieve. I believe that nothing in this earth is perfect. But why there is you? And there is me? Is this being perfect combination?
After all, I surrendered to the feeling.
I let myself fly to wherever I could. I let him go. I let him go to where he could set himself free. For if he will still stay here with me, I may not give what he deserves.
Yes, that was the saddest thing about it. We broke up with each other. We went to our individual path. I began to rediscover myself. And for him, I did not receive any news.
So I have decided to forget him. But forgetting him was not really easy. I cannot forget him because I still love him. He is still on my heart.
I decided to conduct the no contact rule. For over one month, I sacrificed that ego to not contact him. It was really hard for me at first. Whenever I think of him, I was being tempt to break the rules. But I should not. Because I believe that after all the painful bite of trials and the strong storms, there will be sweet harvest of success and sunshine of hope. Success of imposing the no contact rule and hope of getting him back again.
I really love to listen to this kind of poetry. Where I have to memorize every inch of him daily. The wrinkles under his eye. It literally tells how joyfully he live his life. The porcelain skin dangling in crystals when reflected by light. The shape of his chin divided by his past and present. And the pounding heartbeats, sometimes slow, sometimes fast, rejuvenating day by day.
He will strongly look at me. Gazing upon my curve-less body. Watching beneath the ground to where I step in. That look is making me feel like a whole universe containing every matter that he needs to uphold.
He will catch every breath that I take. Breath it for himself, absorb it, making it like his own. He knows everything about me like everything I have known him. Every step and every move. Every blow and every brush. Every taste and every moan. Every caress and embrace. He knows it all and even knows every meaning of it.
He loves like a poet.
So I must be gentle for many lovers were broken by a poet.
And now that I am already describing him, I think I really miss him again.
It hurts so much that I gave my all. I loved too much but he only gave a little portion of himself. I may not understand it. I may not understand why these things would happen to me.
Now, I certainly swear that I have already understand it. I understand it that I should not force myself to understand each and everything immediately. I know I cannot always solve all of my problems in just a matter of few hours. I know I cannot always run to anywhere else and find some comfort. I know there will be times where I cannot sleep, I cannot rest and cannot find someone who will comfort me. Because sometimes I need to do things that will make me lose my entire mobility. There are times when people will come to me. They will say something but will not explain it to me any further. Are they giving such good advice? Or are they only making me confuse?
Whatever it is, the important thing here is that I already know myself. I have known myself because of him. It was him who make me realize that living is not just for one person. You have to live for many. For your family, for your friends, and for your loved ones. They are the ones who should receive a love from you.
Isn’t it ironic that life really have to be lived that way? Well if you think so, then you must be right.
This is for all the girls out there who tells you they are fine when the real thing is they are not. This is for the pretty girls out there who does not believe that anyone could ever see how worthy they are. This is for all the girls who refuses to contact their exes because they are conscious about the results. This is for all the girls out there who think they are never enough to satisfy their boyfriend. Who think they would never have a bright future. This is specially offered for all the girls out there who are afraid to fall in love again. This is for everyone who finds it difficult to wake up in the morning because they already lose their hopes and dreams.
I am here to say to you girls that we are made to be extraordinary. We are absolutely beautiful and confident and loved. We matter.
For all the things I have teach you, always remember these:
If he misses you, he will call.
If he wants you, he will let you know it.
If he cares, he will definitely show it.
If not, he is not worth the fight.